The last few weeks have literally been a roller coaster - full of hope, heartache, joy, preparation, anger - in no particular order.
Let me explain -
HOPE: I was invited to listen to our new friends, the Adamyk's, speak about their 2 year old son Caleb, to a fresh class of medical students at the Shands Cancer and Genetics Center. I was given the VIP treatment by staff and the family. Nervous to see how I would react in a public setting, hearing and speaking about what a glimps of what our new life might be like. I think I did okay...until...I was asked to take a photo with beautiful Caleb. I reached out to rub his little hand, just as I would to any little toddler. As we smiled to take a photo, he wrapped his little hand around my finger. Internally I lost it, and could barely get out a smile. It hit me - "Wait, Caleb was born with clutched fists, right" I asked his mother.
HOPE: Caleb had outgrown a "symptom" of T18. Filled with joy and the most hope I have had this whole journey, I called Heather crying "He grabbed my finger and smiled at me". "He outgrew a symptom...Do you know what this means." "This is huge!"
The words they spoke that day I keep close to my heart, but it was the unspoken words of their little man that gave this Father strength to fight for more. Thank you little man. It was nice to finally meet you sir.
|Caleb Adamyk and Me at Shands|
HEARTACHE: I am one to put my feelings in a box and store that box way down deep to keep the business rolling. This journey has been exceptionally hard for me to keep these emotions all stuffed in. I knew that I had to face the realization of what might be. So a couple weeks ago I did another Youtube search for "Trisomy 18" I found a couple who had allowed a Dallas News Reporter to be with them from birth to 5 days later (Choosing Thomas). I forced myself to watch so I could somehow "prepare" myself to face a short term story of our son...The volcano erupted. My wife came home and found me balled up at my desk. I felt like I had just lived out that pain and yelled out "I can't do this!" Our house is used to being loud, but not usually from the likes of me. I yelped like a lost puppy and couldn't control myself. The only way I could face this type of pain is with supernatural help.
ANGER: This has been tough on our marriage. I know this can't be a biblical saying "God will only give you what you can handle." I call a BS. I am wondering what I'm doing wrong/right. My parents divorces after 35 years just a few short months ago, along with David's journey I am straining to find strength as a Husband, Father, Son. Please don't take this wrong AT ALL- our marriage is not in trouble, just real emotions we are working through. (all the old school Christians just gasped. "You don't talk about problems in the marriage") Truth.
PREPARATION: The last couple of weekends I have become a professional handyman - business cards are on the way! I have taken up the carpet out of our living room and Master Bedroom, laid down laminate flooring throughout, painted the entire home, had new french doors installed and I'm going to design one wall for David in our room. The wall will be filled with Inspiration for him to grow and fight. I'm going to unveil it to my family - Extreme Home Makeover style. It's a very therapeutic time for me.
JOY: We got to see our son in 3D for the last time. He looks so much like our little Monster Truck son Joshua. If this is any indication of who David will be - JOSHUA: born 10 lbs 5 oz in 2 hours, no meds. Dubbed at the Hospital "Pouncey Squared" after the two twin-brother Gator Offensive Linemen. He has lived up to the nickname.
JOY, Part II: Belly Painting was great. He kicked and kicked. Our little fighter. Plus, Heather did a surprise for me with the kids (I think they got to paint a picture too. TBD)
|Our Little Fighter|
BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE... Heather has been having contractions on and off for the last two weeks. I may ask the doc for a crash course in delivering a baby. This may go down at home. I got this! I can't wait to say "I'm not a doctor, but I play one at home."
Lots of emotions, Lots to do, Lots of Love, Little Time, all for a Little Man. We're in the Homestretch