Friday, April 8, 2011

My Son or God's

Hello bloggers!  Sorry I haven't blogged in a while, but our life has been a touch overwhelming during the last two weeks.  Aaron had a stomach ache which turned into an ER visit and an emergency surgery to remove his appendix.  He was in the hospital for three days from start to finish.  Once we got him home, all of our children came down with a virus.  Two went to the doctor who could find no sign of strep, flu, or UTI.  Destiny ended up in the ER because she couldn't hold down any fluids, not even a sip.  By the time we got there she was so dehydrated that her blood pressure was dangerously low.  So, there we are being admitted, round two within seven days.  She was kept for 24 hours from start to finish and was mostly better by the time we were released.

In between Aaron's hospital visit and Destiny's we were so very blessed to have a 3D ultrasound done.  Going into the ultrasound I was honestly expecting that we would see our son on the screen and that he wouldn't have a single physical sign of Trisomy 18.  After all, hadn't we been praying for the miracle of complete and total healing?  Isn't our God big enough to do something like that?  Absolutely he is!  There was also a knowledge that our prayer may not be answered the way we would like for it to.

So, in we go to meet our Baby David for the first time.  Sure enough, he was beautiful.  We watched as he snuggled up to the umbilical cord as if it were a blanket.  We got to see him turn and respond to his Daddy's voice.  We also got to see him throw a tantrum and kick and punch at the ultrasound tech.  It was amazing!  It was a beautiful glimpse into the personality of our baby boy.  He is cuddly and feisty all at the same time.  Just like his brother Joshua.
"My good side"
- David in the Womb

Snuggling with the Cord

Listening to Daddy

He was beautiful in every way.  It was however, apparent by his nose that was not completely formed, his clenched fists, his underdeveloped ears, and the shape of his head that he had definitely not been healed by God.  Nonetheless, he was beautiful.  David Allen, fearfully and wonderfully made, by the creator of ALL things was a beautiful sight to behold.

What is so fearfully and wonderfully made about a child with these abnormalities?  How can you say he is woven together by the creator of life, when the doctors and statistics say he is not even compatible with life?  The truth is, I don't know what is wonderful about the physical struggles that our child will face.  I don't know why the creator of life, created David's life have a short expectancy.  What i do know is this, MY God has NEVER lied to me and in Psalm 139:14 the bible says I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  Now, I know that this verse was not just for the healthy. 
 God's works are wonderful and David is one of his works.  A piece of art that was fearfully and wonderfully made when God knit him together in my womb. David was fearfully and wonderfully made for the purposes that God set forth for his life, no matter how long or how short.  Now, does that make it any easier for us, his parents.  Not no, but heck no!!  
You see it's the selfishness of my flesh that wants my son to live a long healthy "normal" life.  I want to see him start kindergarten, I want to watch him grow into childhood, I want to watch him grow through the awkwardness of adolescence, I...I...I... This list goes on and on of the things I want to do and things I want for my son.

I recently told God that I didn't care about the people that would be touched by David's life, and that I just wanted my plan for David's life and to have as much time with him as I would with my other children.  Even as I said that to God, he and I both knew that it wasn't true.
I want to see every miracle that comes from this because then I will feel like it wasn't in vein.  I also do care about the people God will change through all of this.  I do care that this may reach someone and touch them to there very core, and inspire faith, or help them see truth, or receive healing.  But still my flesh cries, can't we have both?  I saw him, and everything you, God, said about him is true. He is your craftsmanship and I just want to get to know him and spend time with him.  Yes, Lord, not my will but yours be done, just help me walk this out.  

Without you I know I can not do this.  Phillipians 4:13

"In God's Time"  This video was posted by one of our friends "made me think of and pray for you guys. Love yall!" Thanks Brittany! Perfect Song, Perfect Timing!

1 comment:

  1. I just wanted to share we have had the same the size of a mustard seed can move mountains says Jesus. This is actually a different type of faith! I can promise you even though David is not healed from t18 in the life time the blessings God has in store (if you are not already receiving them) will be poured out in abundance thru David! God has been faithful and our daughter Sophee 4mths full t18 is by far the biggest most extreme blessing even though it has definitely came with the hardest faith lessons....In Him