FIRST A NEED TO VENT
I just got home from work. Very exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally. I have anger in my heart for various reasons. I guess it just goes with the roller coaster.
I've had to work a lot of extra hours lately, and it's been tough for me to hear the stories from home, from my wife who needs me so much right now.
I feel like a zombie trying to finish a rat race.
As I typed a proposal for my company tonight, the words got jumbled up - I couldn't read them, or type them. Sleep deprivation? No, for this 1am exercise wasn't my first rodeo. My thoughts run wild with visions of my wife and children at home, having dinner, bedtime stories, and those hugs and kisses I treasure so much more now.
I'm hurting inside for my daughters, too. Each one had a rough week with this new mountain. I wish I was there when Destiny saw the images of Trisomy 18 at school. I wish I was there when Lexi wrote in her journal with her school counselor. I wish I was driving when Heather saw their big brown eyes full of tears, as she pulled up to their schools.
Seeing my lady's tears hurts this man's heart.
My prayer: Lord, I am angry, I am sad, I am broken and helpless. Father, my daughters cry to you for comfort, my Heather needs to trust in you, my boys need to see my leadership and my boy needs you to be the Great Physician that you are - Father God, be my strong tower in this storm, my rock to take refuge in, and my King to carry me through this battle - Lord, I haven't ask for this much since Christmas of 1986, but I know you will come through, just as you did then.
Lord I am still remaining faithful that you can bring this miracle -
I want nothing more than to have this baby with a full bill of health, so I can say to these doctor's "That's my Jesus!"
I ask to keep my eyes on you with faith like a child, but Father not my Will, but your Will be done. I will walk with you, as you have promised to walk with me.
In Jesus name, Amen
3 of our children's birthday's are here - all within 7 days. I have a routine I do for my wife and kids every birthday morning. I make pancakes. I light them with candles or sparklers, gather everyone else and we walk to the bed of the last person sleeping.
These thoughts have carried me through the days and nights this week.
In those dark mornings, I know a smiling face awaits me, as I sing out of tune (sometimes a birthday rap, too) ...and for a moment the world sits still.
I look forward to these moments, just ask my wife - she grinned and bared through our first three years of birthday pancakes, till I finally remembered (she doesn't like them). But she loved me enough to smile through each bite.
I live for these moments, and can't wait to hang out with Mrs. Butterworth at 6am this next Monday, Tuesday, and Sunday mornings
Birthday Pancakes - just what the doctor ordered!
Happy Birthday Joshua, Lexi, and Destiny!
and for more of our birthday fun...