Friday, February 25, 2011

Birthday Pancakes

February 25th, 2011 2:34am


FIRST A NEED TO VENT


I just got home from work.  Very exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally. I have anger in my heart for various reasons. I guess it just goes with the roller coaster.


I've had to work a lot of extra hours lately, and it's been tough for me to hear the stories from home, from my wife who needs me so much right now.  



I feel like a zombie trying to finish a rat race.  
As I typed a proposal for my company tonight, the words got jumbled up - I couldn't read them, or type them.  Sleep deprivation?  No, for this 1am exercise wasn't my first rodeo.  My thoughts run wild with visions of my wife and children at home, having dinner, bedtime stories, and those hugs and  kisses I treasure so much more now.



I'm hurting inside for my daughters, too.  Each one had a rough week with this new mountain.  I wish I was there when Destiny saw the images of Trisomy 18 at school.  I wish I was there when Lexi wrote in her journal with her school counselor.  I wish I was driving when Heather saw their big brown eyes full of tears, as she pulled up to their schools.


Seeing my lady's tears hurts this man's heart. 


My prayer: Lord, I am angry, I am sad, I am broken and helpless.  Father, my daughters cry to you for comfort, my Heather needs to trust in you, my boys need to see my leadership and my boy needs you to be the Great Physician that you are - Father God, be my strong tower in this storm, my rock to take refuge in, and my King to carry me through this battle - Lord, I haven't ask for this much since Christmas of 1986, but I know you will come through, just as you did then.  


Lord I am still remaining faithful that you can bring this miracle - 
I want nothing more than to have this baby with a full bill of health, so I can say to these doctor's "That's my Jesus!" 
I ask to keep my eyes on you with faith like a child, but Father not my Will, but your Will be done. I will walk with you, as you have promised to walk with me.
In Jesus name, Amen




Birthday Pancakes




3 of our children's birthday's are here - all within 7 days.  I have a routine I do for my wife and kids every birthday morning.  I make pancakes.  I light them with candles or sparklers, gather everyone else and we walk to the bed of the last person sleeping.

These thoughts have carried me through the days and nights this week.  

In those dark mornings, I know a smiling face awaits me, as I sing out of tune (sometimes a birthday rap, too) ...and for a moment the world sits still.

I look forward to these moments, just ask my wife - she grinned and bared through our first three years of birthday pancakes, till I finally remembered (she doesn't like them).  But she loved me enough to smile through each bite.  

I live for these moments, and can't wait to hang out with Mrs. Butterworth at 6am this next Monday, Tuesday, and Sunday mornings
.

Birthday Pancakes - just what the doctor ordered!  

Happy Birthday Joshua, Lexi, and Destiny!
video 

and for more of our birthday fun...

2 comments:

  1. Aaron,
    I love reading your heart on this page. the transparency of your words fills my heart with emotion and my eyes with tears. Thank you for letting us walk with you as God is glorified and lifted up in the midst of these trying moments.
    love you all!

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  2. Dear Casa de Sutton (love that),
    this blog is really a life-saver for me. My M.O. for dealing with "heavy" things is to shut down, stuff it under the rug, and run like the wind. This is so therapeutic for me.
    I type, then I cry, I type, I hit the post button.
    It's totally selfish :)

    But what has blown my mind is the outpour of support. So blessed to have you all walking with us.
    AH

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