Tonight was another long night at work, blah, blah, blah. Instead of relying on Mountain Dew or 5-Hour Energy to get me through the night.
I went for a run.
There is something amazing that happens when you run. Such a tank-filler.
I spoke to my beautiful bride on my way to the track. She shared with me how she was having trouble putting her hope into a miracle.
"If He wanted to do it he could've".
My heart, my lungs, my eyes - my whole being is hurting. I love her so. We have grown closer in our marriage, our souls cannot be pulled apart. Our communication has become very clear and healthier. And yet, in this moment, I had zero words to comfort my wife.
I know this sounds impossible from a man - but it actually was happening to me. I was multi-tasking communication.
Heather: "It's hard for me to have the hope..."
Me (to Heather): "Hunny, I want to share my heart. Where I stand in my prayers..."
Me (to Holy Spirit): "I need words of hope, please give me the words to speak..."
But to no avail. Me (to Heather): "baby, I just don't have the words to speak right now"
the call ended. I felt like such a failure. A heavy burden was backpacking on me.
With this heavy weight pressing me, I took off, digging in at each turn.
With a perfect breeze flowing by my face, I looked up to the sky. It connected me to a trip I had taken to India. You see, I don't fly much - in fact that flight was my second - ever. When we took off, I remember taking out my mental camera and took lots of shots. I recorded a little video clip as we lifted off the ground.
When arose up over the clouds, I thought:
"This is what we look like from His eyes." I remember seeing the tiny little cars on the interstate, tiny little (huge) homes, and even smaller people walking on the street.
Then He made his move in me... "While I'm down there, the smallest details seem like the largest mountains.
From up here, the largest mountains seem like the smallest details.
So how much more should I trust in God.
My worst-case is nothing more than a speck to the Almighty One."
I will always remember that.
After coming back to my senses from that flashback, I became drenched with peace.
He's got us. He knows what we can handle. And He picked us to walk through this journey. None of this will go in vein...unless we allow it to. These hurts, will be used to bless someone. I have full confidence in that, because there have been so many people we have never known say "We are praying for your family, we walked through this, too." God Blessed their hurts, by moving us, and giving me hope. Thank you God for these folks who - heard your prompting and answered your call.
We are so blessed to have people stretch out and say "this is so hard, and I know you don't know us, but..."
Confirmation that Tears of sadness, will turn to tears of support.
Then one day, I will wake up to tears of happiness - knowing 100% that my son will walk with the King of Kings.
After I left for India, my ladies found this to watch mid-way through my trip.
- Aaron's Journal Entry