Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Sail Away

At David’s funeral I walked up to a microphone, looked down at what I was about to say and went into a surreal shock.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this”

My mind is not quit right, my heart skips a beat, the tears stream down my face - then dry up, but I am still whaling with the mute button on.
I can’t eat, can’t sleep…then all I want to do is just eat and sleep.

This earth, this world, this life – such a mystery to me.

Overwhelmed with emotions, then numb from head to toe.
Back and forth goes the boat as the waves flow.
So Beautiful, So Perfect

Today was amazing – then today hurt like hell. Hell is the last place I want to be. My focus is above.
Please Lord don’t let me fall, my oh my, how I miss my son.

I have so many reasons to count myself blessed. I truly am a BLESSED fellow. Here’s a few examples:

I never knew what lightning felt like, til the day I held the hand of the woman I now call my wife.

I always wanted a daughter – and God gave me two.

I longed for a son – I now crawl through our house with two little cowboys on my back.

I always wanted a big family – we now drive the swagger wagon (thanks Brittany) because standard size can’t hold us down.

I wanted to give my heart to a faith-based business – CEO of the Salt & Light, Co. 3 years strong.

I’m a home owner, I have a Saddie-dog, a car dubbed “The Tank” to get me from A to B, and an amazing family to greet me when I get home from a long day at work.

My son is in heaven at peace.

Yet, I can think of nothing – nothing else other then the day I held that 5 pound baby boy, with hair so curly. All I want to do is run back to that hospital and scoop him up again. I would rock him and explain to him what ESPN was, how a quarterback had 90,000 people read a bible verse on Saturdays just down the street, then I’d teach him how to pull back when you feel a tug on that fishing pole.
My son David Allen
Why, Lord is this such a painful mystery to me.

If I know that I know, he is with you, and I know that I know, you will get us through this time. Why God, can’t I see? My heart and soul cry out to you to please calm my sea.

Be my Prov 18:10, my 2 Samuel 22:3, my Rev 22:16, the John 6:48, you are the Rev 1:8, tattoo me with Jeremiah 29:11, be the Psalms 119:105, and give me Acts 1:8 and the boldness of 1 Sam 17:32, so that I may be the Matt 5:13-16. Oh father hear me now –
Psalms 51:10-12 (the message) 10 God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. 11 Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. 12 Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! In Jesus Name I pray, Amen, and Amen, and Amen

Through an amazing blessing from my coworkers and family at Charles Perry Partners (,
I get to take down the "post-it" note that sticks to our family’s white board – a goal/bucket list item.
I get to take my family to Disney for the 4th of July.

This weekend I’m looking for calming seas, and when I steer us home,
I will be praying for “a fresh wind in my sails.”